So, it has been a while. I have been wanting to write a post down for a long time but never could get thoughts together. Things in my life recently have been getting a lot better. I have been getting better with people at work. Things that i have been thinking about in my life i have learned to let go and let God deal with them. It has not been easy. For starters, one thing i have dealt with is about men. Specifically about dating and marriage. Everytime I feel lonely and thoughts enter my mind about that subject i know i can not give into it because it will only lead down the wrong path. And believe you me, i have been down a path similar to that and it did not end well. I have made a commitment now that whenever God decides to bring *him* into my life, that i want to be ready for him. I know this is only one step but it was a big step in my life.
I feel like I'm really starting to trust God a little more than i have in the past. I know He wants the best for me and wants me to succeed in life and that can not happen unless we both are on board 100%. I have been having a lot of fear in my life. My fear of failing has always gripped me. Mostly in my younger years is when it started. The Christian school that i went to attributed to some of that fear. My dad placed both me and my older brother in that school only because he felt like we needed to be able to pray in school. I always thought it was because it was filled with rich snobs who where stuck up and were excellent with their studies. I had a hatred towards that school and still do to this day. But, I have learned that its in the past and i can't go back and change it. If i could i probably would go back and try to do better in my studies. School for me was not a good learning experience. The curriculum was at a high level that i really couldn't understand it and really couldn't stay caught up like the others. On the other hand, my brother succeeded there. He made all A's and maybe a few B's. So I did get jealous sometimes. I have never felt like i was good at anything. I have had positive people around me but i have never really listened to them. I have given them the cold shoulder. Since then, I have learned that fear is just an event. It will only last a while. You can overcome this. It is destroyable. Fear does not come from God. 2nd Timothy 1:7 says, For I (God) have not given you a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I was not trusting my God enough and that gave the devil time to sneak in and cause a bit of distraction.. But i know that you have to come to a point in your life and really learn to trust God to His word that He is going to take care of you if you let Him.