I still have no answer from God as to W's (what who why when where). I've wanted to give up again and again. But, I keep pressing on. I know that those who put there faith and trust in the Lord, He will never disappoint. He has the master plan and I sorta have a plan. Im still learning. Im still trying to deepen my roots. His silence hurts sometimes but as long as Hes there and He hears me.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Again. I'm reminded that I have put my full complete trust in God and I can no longer do this life by myself. I have to keep trusting Him no matter what happends. No matter how many times i keep going back to my depressive states, He has never left me. Even through the dark nights when I dont feel He's there, He is always there. I find comfort in that. Theres a peace there that I cant find anywhere else.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Ive got so many uncertainties in my life right now i just cant think straight. Some days i feel like im in the taffy puller and im about to break. Other days its like Im not worried and i know God's taking care of me. We have been looking at the book of Genesis all of last year and we are finishing it up in the next couple of weeks. From what I have read and from what I have heard through the preaching of it, I have seen God work in so many situations. Some of them where I could relate. He does always come through in the end somehow. But then i still go back to disbelieving that God isnt gonna come through because i just don't believe that He's working. I sit there and think of everything going on in my life and think of the worst possible ending situations and then i start believing that that is what will happen. Yes. My faith is small. Its so shallow. But, my God is mighty. He is the greatest One!
I am realizing that when our faith is weak or so shallow, thats when God makes Himself bigger! Don't give up hope! Keep going! Trust God to do what He says He will do. If you draw closer to Me, then I will draw closer to you! Be blessed!
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Here i am again. (Insert curse word) Sorry if that offended anybody reading this. Its just really how I feel. Emotionally and physically im drained. Ive dealt with insecurities all my life. But now it just seems to come get right in my face again. Why now? Why do i have to deal with this again and again? Ive apparently made some wrong choices and Ive clearly not dealt with them accordingly.
Somebody knows how to expose my weakness and shove it in my face. But, i tell you now. Ill will shut you up. I will be victorious in this situation. God will see me through to the end. He's never left me or forsaken me. I trust Him. We will get through this. We will rise and we will win! I press on. I keep going.
Pack your bags... you are done here. Done.
(Puts mic down)
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Im so done with having to show a fake smile. If im not happy, i frown or show my usual jo face. But, when im happy and joyful, I do smile. I just don't like people who look me dead in the eye and say smile Jo when i dont feel like it. It has made me mad to even hear others tell me to smile. I have no idea why either. I'm just being open and honest. I know I have been going through stuff for a long long long time and have finally just got fed up with it.
God is still working on me.
He says He is here to stay so we are gonna work on this together.
Monday, November 30, 2015
I used to struggle with this so much growing up. I would be so mad when we wouldnt sing the contemporary songs that i particularly liked and felt that God and or the Holy Spirit was there in the midst of. You know, the songs that we sing at camps/events. The ones you raised your hands up and just gave everything up to God and you sang with everything you had within you because thats what you craved at that moment, maybe even cried at times. Well, I have been there and yes it's very humbling to worship with thousands and thousands of believers. But its very crucial that you not miss this like i did for so long. You can worship God anywhere. You can sing to God anywhere. You have that freedom. If you truely have asked Christ to come and change you and ask for forgiveness, then you will want to do these things. You just want Him. Don't miss out on those times at even your local church or any place of worship when you can sing the songs that were picked to sing that day. Worship in that very moment that you have been given. Listen to the lyrics while you sing. Sometimes I just listen to others around me sing. I try to embrace each moment. If He is your Savior, then worship Him. Raise your hands. Fall at His feet. Whatever you feel like you need to do in that moment. Don't let those moments pass by without acknowledging your Savior who is more than worthy to be praised.
Its not about the songs. Its not about the words. Its about The Christ who came down from heaven and paid our sin debt price that He freely gave up His life for all to be able to be set free.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
God has been talking to me and I have also been listening. But, when words dont speak up music can and has been. Ive been a music person all my life. My mom would always tell me that I kicked her as I came out but I'm not proficient on the foot pedal bass drum yet. As a child, i would always have these melodies in my head and I would make up lyrics to them about anything. I never wrote any of them down but, everything just flowed and made since to me. That was the real Jo. Then going into my preteens I lose contact with that innocence and I go into my awkward stage. I join my church youth choir and sing there but it feels so different from my songs that i had in my head and heart before. When i get to go to youth for the first time, it seems fun but its not alive. We go to this same camp site every summer and have church camp. Somehow, our youth pastor finds these people from california that do praise and worship stuff. I can not forget them. After that particular summer, for me, i can feel a change take place within the youth group. They get a praise team started and from then on it starts to become more alive. But still this is way before my real rededication to God.
I feel like now Im getting back to who i am as a child. I always have music going. I am always singing something. I've always got my ipod on me or when im home, some kind of music in the background playing. My youth choir and praise team played a big part in my life. I didnt realize it at the time but looking back on it now, that it really was a tiny spark into helping me find my inner singing voice again.
I acknowledge right now that Jesus is my song. He has been and will be forevermore who my praise is for. This is the real Jo. I feel that if I dont sing or play my guitar for God, that Im just wasting away. I certainly dont feel good when i stop either.